School bullying by Ilike, licensed from Adobe Stock

You’re An Ugly Old Bat, Who Would Want You?

Putting my happily married, multiply-engaged self aside … can people grow beyond these primitive, harmful attitudes?

Amy Sterling Casil
6 min readNov 20, 2022


Reading others’ writing on Medium, I see that I’m far from the only writer who attracts incel, racist, misogynist harassers. The title of this article is what one of these ninnyhammers thought was an “effective” comment to me regarding the crucial social justice issue of incel rights to harass and harm others with no consequence to themselves.

Even though I have BDD, a condition that, if out of control, tells me I look like a monster —

I know I’m not “an ugly old bat.”

You dumbass closet-dwelling drool factory, Bruce and I play music all over, I’m leading a women’s fitness group, and am about to enter a wellness coaching program.

This all makes me think of the many historical stories about women that Linda Caroll presents so brilliantly.

I’m not an expert, but I grew up reading an awful lot of literature in which women fit into two categories: crone/granny/witch; beautiful young princess waiting for the handsome prince.

That’s it.

If I wanted to learn about a woman scientist I could choose from two books. Both about Marie Curie.

To be fair, we had a few television shows starring females when I was a kid. In addition to my role models like Nichelle Nichols, I used to love watching the Mary Tyler Moore Show. I never much liked the way the show portrayed her friend Rhoda Morgenstern as an “ugly duckling,” as the actress Valerie Harper is obviously a beautiful woman — but Mary was single, cute, smart, funny, and did have a job in the newsroom. Even if she did have to put up with Ted, the original idiot Anchorman, and Mr. Grant, the manipulative, irascible, unreasonable boss.

And how could I forget Laverne & Shirley! What a couple of cute boyfriends those two had — good old Lenny and Squiggy.

I grew up in a time where Carol Burnett was considered a “funny lady,” but “not attractive.” Her show is still hilarious today. There aren’t too many people from that era who could make that claim about anything they…



Amy Sterling Casil

Over 500 million views and 5 million published words, top writer in health and social media. Author of 50 books, former exec, Nebula nominee.