Without sex - what meaning would she ascribe to "monogamy"? This is cruel. I think in terms of your plan to leave ... let me put it this way. I had a lot of mental blocks about leaving various bad situations I was in. If I hadn't thought "the right thing to do" was to give my baby's father an opportunity to be a good father to him - my baby would be alive today, a grown young man graduating from high school and leaving for college. I know you are part of an online group of people in similar situations. I'm someone who has faced several extreme life traumas. You have suffered enough. Even if you believe financially you cannot survive on your own - take a step every day to ensure that you can. After a shorter time than you may think, you will have taken enough steps to make it a reality and have a life.