Nancy Y Bekavac — former President of my alma mater Scripps College and Yale Law classmate of Hillary and Bill Clinton

What it Means to be a Woman Leader

A friend of mine is putting out a book for charity to be comprised of short essays about “Why I Hate Hillary Clinton.”

I don’t think this essay could qualify, because I really don’t hate Clinton or the lady pictured above, Nancy Y. Bekavac, who served as President of my alma mater Scripps (“The Women’s College”) in Claremont, CA from 1990 to 2007. I even volunteered for the school, gave money, and served as a recent graduate trustee during those years.

The emotion I feel for both is pity. And contempt.

Yesterday, more information withheld from the American public during the 2016 election was released by the FBI.

It shows that the FBI “lost” Hillary Clinton’s email server for 5 weeks during its investigation.

Also in the linked emails was a gem from Nancy Y. Bekavac to Cheryl Mills, Hillary and Bill Clinton’s lawyer, a lady who has herself, made millions from inside access and favor-trading, including investing in African factories paying workers 25 cents an hour.

Maybe, Nancy, neither you nor Hillary believe in God. Or maybe, you think God blessed both of you, so you are entitled to live your lives in denial. You live your life in a less ethical way about the damage you have done to others than the average heroin addict.

I don’t know what you think. I don’t care.

In 1983, I was deeply concerned about matters of right and wrong. A Scripps faculty member who groomed and sexually exploited me tried to convince me there was no such thing as right and wrong: there were only “shades of grey.” Ha-ha — that’s a book title! Funny, huh, about a woman being stalked and sexually abused under cover of “romance.” Not too long after that, I had my plans to go on to graduate school cut short when a friend of his, the man who had awarded me the 5-College writing prize two years in a row, raped me.

Many people never recover from that kind of trauma.

But that wasn’t my first trauma, Nancy. I was raised in a physically and emotionally abusive home where I became accustomed to keeping secrets, learned to heal quickly after verbal abuse, and above all — I had this, Nancy.

I’ve been a writer all my life.

I also had friends with normal parents, loving parents: friends who didn’t have to watch their backs at all times. And teachers, too, Nancy. Wonderful, kind, caring teachers. Wise counselors. Caring administrators. Good people, all. These are the factors that lead to resilience.

So, Nancy, long after you and your friends Bill and Hillary are dead and gone, and history has made its judgment upon you, everything those good people did will be growing and changing and alive.

Everything I have done — everything other people do who do it for healthy, caring, evolved reasons — will be as well.

Maybe I can only share one fact that many people will understand, but I think it’s an important one. It could be as important a fact as “correlation is not causation” or “outer appearance doesn’t have anything to do with inner nature.”

A job title, a role, an award, or even legions of sycophantic followers doesn’t mean anyone is a “leader.”

Your lady friend Hillary Clinton and her husband Bill are “leaders” like Jim Jones in Jonestown —there’s a reason people refer to blind allegiance to political leaders as ‘drinking the Koolaid.’

This is why “lying” is such a crucial thing. In society. In leadership.

The Jonestown victims thought Jim Jones cared about them and they had spiritual values. Souls. They worked hard. He had the ethics of your Yale law buddies. He cared about them as much as good old Bill did about the dark-complected cafeteria staff.

The vast majority of people are honest the majority of the time. We all lie sometimes. We may lie in matters big and matters small. Usually it’s something small.

Only bad people, a small group of them, lie continuously simply to get the material things they desire and have their way.

The ‘little people’ think honestly. Those men and women “mostly black” in the lunch line at Yale thought honestly.

A lot of people talk about “American Exceptionalism” and I think one way our country may be exceptional far beyond other nations is its seemingly limitless capacity to lie to itself. The truth about our country is that those people in the lunch line you so unselfconsciously noted in your interview had more humanity and wisdom in their little fingers than you or your law school pals have had in your entire bodies and lives. There is a reason they call it “Soul” music; a reason you likely cannot understand.

I always suggest to students that the pursuit of money and power in preference to any other priority — such as daily quality of life, health, love, being present, being human — isn’t very meaningful when we consider how much we can take with us when it’s our time to go.

We watched the forensic anthropologists unearthing the mass graves in Guatemala the other evening. These people murdered, whose remains are slowly being restored to their survivors, left more legacy and love than the “leadership” you so value and admire, Nancy.

As we see little children in our school classrooms who struggle with memorizing details of history or who experience difficulty writing in the rote ways taught in the past, so are those who achieved dominance in those oh — what is the word?

Archaic Times

The times when slaves built the Pyramids in Egypt, when they built the White House in Washington, D.C., when they built wealth for your friends out of their very life’s blood.

I’m done being ashamed of having grown up and lived during the shadowed regime of what may be remembered as one of history’s least-enlightened, most-exploitive — yes, most evil — generations. You know how they call the World War 2 generation the “Greatest Generation”? Trust me: nobody’s going to say the same about yours.

You know what I thought when I went through the dismaying, mildly humiliating (considering what I’ve been through it’s no great shakes to have some bluenose rich binch call me a ‘worm’) interview for the “Women’s Leadership” job at Scripps?

I thought — well, you need the money — but it would be like Serpico going to be Sheriff of Mayberry.

I love, I cannot say, how much I love, that I know in my bones that all of this pain, this distress, this agony, is going to have a happy ending.

So what I have to say to you, Nancy, is that nothing you’ve ever said or done means a thing. It doesn’t mean a thing that you and Hillary were among the first women to graduate from Yale Law school because neither of you had the character to be leaders.

All you did was grease the way for sociopaths and be co-enablers. Footnotes to history, without even the written record made by men like Churchill or Machiavelli to lead future generations astray.

As a wise voice once said to me (among many other such voices) “Nothing good or lasting ever happened at the end of a gun.”

Well, here is my thought for now and going forward: it’s time to focus on work and actual relationships and achievements, not the signifier of such (awards, titles, news coverage, #CorrectTheRecord, commencement speeches).

Isn’t that a perfect example? Why should students sit and listen to a stranger pontificate on the day that is to celebrate 4 years of work on their part and on the part of faculty members?

It’s all the people you have such unthinking contempt for, Nancy. You have such contempt you do not even realize you have it! Those people who worked in the Yale cafeteria to support their families. All the people whose daily hard work made your and the Clintons’ easy, safe lives possible. They are the leaders.

You are the slave who can never be free.

According to Harlan Ellison and my grandmother, “You’ll go far Amy, because you have heart.” Author of 40 books, former exec., Nebula Award nominee, Poor.

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