SOCIAL MEDIA

The End Of The Astroturf Era

SNL, McDonald’s, Starbucks, Tommy Hilfiger, Target, three-letter agencies, political parties … tons of fake lawn trimmings headed for the toxic landfill

Astroturf Man created by author and DALL-E

Here he sits on a Sunday, hard at work. Astroturf Man’s job today is to insult females who espouse leftist causes on X.

His mandatory keywords are: Retard, Retarded, Ugly, Old, Stupid, Dumb. His optional keywords are: “No one cares what you think” and “ur fat.”

Tomorrow at 8:01 a.m., Astroturf Man will get a surprise.

“Nooooooo!” he cries, sweeping his large, fake grass covered arm across his desk, knocking his laptop, phone, dying plant, and minty-fresh bottle of Soylent to the floor.

Astroturf Man’s rent is due in three weeks. He is already late on his internet bill, and his credit cards are maxed out.

Astroturf Man hasn’t had a real girlfriend for two years. His parents won’t talk to him, not since he accidentally sent one of his offensive messages to his own mother.