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Clippy Never Helped Me Kill Myself
The way I knew that he could … and other ancient tech memories
When we first started using Microsoft Word products, they came with a smarmy little helper called Clippy. The animated paperclip with rudimentary writing tips lasted from 1997 to 2001.
As of 2021, Clippy has been brought back as part of Microsoft Teams — but no unwanted and dorky advice. He’s just featured in a sticker pack and as an emoji.
With a sardonic raised brow, Clippy used to show up on any Word document. “Can’t write?” Clippy would say. “Well tough s**t! Just press ENTER and I’ll do it for you.”
Clippy was good enough for government work —
Clippy at least did something, even though that something was seldom what anybody wanted or expected.
Other less-than-fond memories from the antediluvian internet days:
Dancing Baby!
This little creature was on everyone’s screens for ages … if your brain didn’t melt from staring at its weird, endless dance loop, the “ooga-chaka” music would destroy neurons down into your brain stem.
